Loves Me.....Loves Me Not.

Casting Shadows.

Thats basically what I've been doing for the past 2 years.


you can tell from the state of my room, that they let me out too soon.


missed me missed me
now you've gotta kiss me

Good News: I have really AMAZING friends *glomps them* they're wonderful, i'm gonna cry. I'm so lucky to have all of you. ((I feel like i'm giving an oscar acceptance speech. "And the award for most boring life in the world goes to: SOCRATES VOLKOVA!!)) Not to mention that smexy boyfriend of mine ^ ^

Bad News: Forgetting about all the stuff happening at home, things are going really hard with Dan and I. he is accusing me of being in love with his best friend and cheating on him and all that shit. I don't need his paranoria right now. I'm already stressed, crushed, and dead inside . Then when I get to school, he does things like when i'm depressed he'll try to cheer me up (it never works, i'm an idiot and it would take a wrecking ball to tear down the wall that builds between me and people when i'm depressed.) since his cheerfullness just makes me sad because i hate myself for letting him down i get ecen more depressed. I usually do 2 things when we're at this point. I either put on my usual mask of happiness and pretend to be cheered up (which just makes dan mad), or i just get angry and depressed even more. Either way, on the third stage Dan always does the same thing. He takes all my deppression, multiplies it a thousand times and throws it right back at me. This doesn't help cause it just makes both of us depressed. Its not his fault, its mine because I'm helpless when i'm depressed. there are only like , three people that can help me. I'd never ask them to, though.
BUT no one wants to hear about bad news ^_^ Ignore all that, dears!!

My school work is failing and my art is in a permanent stage of isolation.

Here is what i'm thinking right now:

half jack

half underwater
i'm half my mother's daughter
a fraction's left up to dispute
the whole collection
half off the price they're asking
in the halfway house of ill repute

half accidental
half pain full instrumental
i have a lot to think about
you think they're joking?
you have to go provoke him...
i guess it's high time you found out

it's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong
you'll notice something funny if you hang around here for too
long ago in some black hole before they had these pills to take it back
i'm half jill
and half jack

two halves are equal
a cross between two evils
it's not an enviable lot
but if you listen
you'll learn to hear the difference
between the halfs and the half nots

and when i let him in i feel my stitches getting sicker
i try to wash him out but like she said:the blood is thicker
i see my mother in my face
but only when i travel
i run as fast as i can run
but
jack comes tumbling after....

and when i'm brave enough and find a clever way to kick him out
and i'm so high not even you and all your love could bring me down
on 83rd he never found the magic words to change this fact:
i'm half jill
and half jack

i'm halfway home now
half hoping
for a showdown
cause i'm not big enough to house this crowd
it might destroy me
but i'd sacrifice my body
if it meant i'd get the jack part OUT

see

jack

run.....

copyright 2002 amanda palmer

+MANIC DEPRESSION+

this song describes exactly how I am feeling at the moment:

"GIRL ANACHRONISM"

you can tell
from the scars on my arms
and cracks in my hips
and the dents in my car
and the blisters on my lips
that i'm not the carefullest of girls

you can tell
from the glass on the floor
and the strings that're breaking
and i keep on breaking more
and it looks like i am shaking
but it's just the temperature
and then again
if it were any colder i could disengage
if i were any older i could act my age
but i dont think that youd believe me
it's
not
the
way
i'm
meant
to
be
it's just the way the operation made me

and you can tell
from the state of my room
that they let me out too soon
and the pills that i ate
came a couple years too late
and ive got some issues to work through
there i go again
pretending to be you
make-believing
that i have a soul beneath the surface
trying to convince you
it was accidentally on purpose

i am not so serious
this passion is a plagiarism
i might join your century
but only on a rare occasion
i was taken out
before the labor pains set in and now
behold the world's worst accident
i am the girl anachronism

and you can tell
by the red in my eyes
and the bruises on my thighs
and the knots in my hair
and the bathtub full of flies
that i'm not right now at all
there i go again
pretending that i'll fall
don't call the doctors
cause they've seen it all before
they'll say just
let
her
crash
and
burn
she'll learn
the attention just encourages her

and you can tell
from the full-body cast
that i'm sorry that i asked
though you did everything you could
(like any decent person would)
but i might be catching so don't touch
you'll start believeing youre immune to gravity and stuff
don't get me wet
because the bandages will all come off

and you can tell
from the smoke at the stake
that the current state is critical
well it is the little things, for instance:
in the time it takes to break it she can make up ten excuses:
please excuse her for the day, its just the way the medication makes her...

i dont necessarily believe there is a cure for this
so i might join your century but only as a doubtful guest
i was too precarious removed as a caesarian
behold the worlds worst accident
I AM THE GIRL ANACHRONISM

copyright 2002 amanda palmer

Hemp Holocaust

Jess is sad. Jess is very sad. For today, something doned on her. What is I were a hemp plant.
Hemp is so hated and scorned! People are so stupid, Hemp has no drug properties until man fools and fucks with it. I mean, yeah potheads are bad, but what if you were Hemp? Always completely labeled and rejected as a drug! It's a plant! A PLANT! Not a drug, a LIVING BREATHING PLANT!! Like a rosebush, or a fern! It's just a plant like anything else its just god cursed it, its not Hemp's fault that man abuses it as a drug! I mean, hemp can't grow wild anymore like ferns. It doesn't have the luxury of being pampered and potted or put into a flower garden like other plants! The only place where they can grow legally in amerika is in government facilities. How sad is that. Its like, if I had a disease that if you cut me and ate me, you'd get sick, the government makes people like me evacuate and come and live in government facilities. It's A Hemp Holocaust! It should be free! Not free to smoke, but free to grow!! This is a real problem. No one cares, though, except me. Hemp could have amazing medical potential, for all we know, properly grown and cultivated hemp could cure cancer !!(I guess..)
What is YOU were a Hemp plant, free and wild. A ugly scruffy man finds you and looks around and picks you up, cradeling your roots. He takes you to his home and pots you in a small, messy, dark closet. You grow only knowing the hostility of this man and the darkness of the closet (emo plant). Suddenly you hear thumping and police come into your closet, the man is being handcuffed. A small glimmer of hope comes to you as the police come in "The've come to take the mean man away and bring me home!" The police take you to a white building with long, repeatitive hallways. They open a doorway and a indoor, artificially lighted greenary comes into view. Many of your kind are there, but they are weak and sick from lack of natural resources in the large white room. Like Aushwitz, there are gaurds that give you barely enough sunlight and food to survive. You are potted and are doomed to stay there for the rest of your short, artificial plant life.


Please, save the Hemp



Socrates Volkova

Life After Death

Hey everyone!


It's been a rough couple of weeks here at my abode, dears. My nana died so we went to the funeral. I always thought funerals were so awesome, ya know gothicness and darkness. It wasn't all that awesome. I wore a white business shirt and a black skirt with a corset back (ironicly, the skirt was last worn to a wedding...) and black high heels. I also dragged along my awesome Tim Burton-esqe umbrella for gothic effect, but it was sunny *sniffles*. The funeral was...just sad. We have a pretty big family so there was over 100 people at the funeral and half the town of Calias, all were weepy and dreary. Calais is regretably, my small hometown. It was my manipulative father's empire where everyone in the town loved and revered him and when my parents split, he spread terrible rumors about her through the town. Seven years later we return for the funeral and find the town is still the same as it ever was....full of pubs and hair salons. The highschool is run-down and the whole city's money was drained to build a $3 million Native American Heritage museum on the waterfront. Nice idea, but they refused to notice that people in Calias are either too old to leave the nursing home, or too poor to pay the six dollar admisstions fee when they have other things to worry about.
My grandmother from my father's side attended the funeral, too. The only person from my father's side. She came partially so she could see us (the twins and I). She calls maybe once a year and gives us little more than a candy bar for christmas, but I try not to hold a childish grudge. She isn't that wealthy and considering all the things she's been through in her life I give her a break. She isn't a strong woman, and she is the perfect picture of what happens in a bad tv movie for Lifetome channel where the stupid, nieve 50's maralyn monroe wannabe marries and abusive man....so cliche. My father's puppet, she would do anything for her son.
She was so alienated at the funeral reception. Although my family is warm inside their own clan, they are as cold as ice to people even partially related to my father after what he did to my mother. She was sitting alone at an almost empty table and I felt that nasty pull in my stomach as what happens when you feel you are about to do something that would further alienate me from my own family. I sat down and ate lunch with her. I could feel the glareing eyes of my other grandmother, "I just lost my mother, sit with me! Comfort Me! Jessica! Jessica!" Lillian isn't even a grandmother to me, but Nana has people surrounding her with comfort and love. All I know is that Lil was widowed numerous times and that since Nana Preston was celebrating her 44th anniversery with her first husband, she could stand to eat lunch with one less grandchild.


Enough of my self pity!!! Heres a list of new songs you guys should check out:

Turn it Up- by Robots In Disguise

Vinyl Words- by Aoki Takamasa + Yujiko Noriko

God Killed The Queen- King Louis XIV

Swollen Summer- The Bravery

Robot- t.A.T.u.

Signing Off,
Socrates Volkova

Oh yeah, in regards to Life after Death, Live on through the hard times. Even if someone dies, Live life to the fullest. That is the true meaning of Life after Death

Happy 1st Anniversary Angels of Rebellion!!

Happy 1st Angels of Rebellion!!! Can you believe I've been writing on this a whole year?! YAY!!! The Anniversary was on the 31st of July but my internet convieniently shut down RIGHT ON THAT DAY and was off for a while so I couldn't make the anniversary post until now. I seriously agree with alethegoodsoul, God truely DOES hate me with a vengence.
I've been drawing a lot lately as usual but tomarrow I'm going to the annual sidewalk art festival downtown. ^.^ I love art, tis passioning the arting I am! It will be a nice change of pace from the stress going around lately, my greatgrandmother had a heart attack yesterday and things have been pretty hectic. We're all really worried if she'll make it.....she's still in the hospital and is still pretty sick. n_n I have high hopes in that whatever outcome may happen it will be the right one!
The cemetarys in Tokyo are HUGE (quite random, I was just staring at my map of tokyo, no means to be vulgar there, people!) I mean...its twice as big as the Natomachi Japanese Garden!! Agast!....... o.O...... okay on the key it says that the christian cemetarys are marked by little green crosses, but on the map there's only little green upside-down "T" things... TYPO ALERT!! meh ha ha ha ha ha

I'm so happy! I'm getting Fable: the lost chapters FINALLY because since I got a new computer, I can run awesome videogames on it without the blocky stop and run stuff!!!



Okay, lovelies I must be-a-goin' noW!!

Signing off,

Socrates Malakai Volkova

My Motionless Decay

Hello everyone.

I'm sorta hurting right now....idk. I've been having a lot of strange thoughts and dreams. Stuff like this happened once before but my mind was in such a definate place that it didn't effect me as much as it does now. I feel lonely and no one can understand. Everyone that tries to help me gets pushed away. I don't want to be helped. I don't want you to care about the reason why I'm like this. I just want to live without restraints. I don't think that any kind of love can fill the emptiness in my soul. I am not a good person, friend, or lover. I'm a hopeless romantic with conciously outrageous exspectations for everyone. I hate to hurt people that are my friends. I'm so moody and empty nowadays that I try to avoid them in hopes that I don't hurt them. I love my friends so dearly and I think they deserve more than me. There's only one person that I can be with and not worry about hurting. I'm so happy to be around them that the emptiness in me is forgotten and I can live. I feel the same way about all my friends but I often worry how I'm acting and put on a faulse front when I'm around my other friends. I'm so tired from being happy that Dan gets all the moody and depressed side of me. When Nariko comes over thursday I'm going to plan a big get togather with ALL my friends and then, maybe, my emptiness will go away. Lately, this gapeing hole in my heart has been growing and engulfing all feelings of happiness or hope. I can only hope that it will disinagrate before I become a waxy shell of no emotion.


Sincerly,
Socrates

Appy Polly Lodgies!!

Hey everyone!

I'm so sorry that I've been gone for so long. I tried to start a new blog, but it just wasn't the same as Angels so I came back.....Nyah.

So much has happened, Cheshire is SOOOOO BIG!! He's a big kitty yes he is!! I'm going into high school as soon as summer ends, and I'm NOT looking forward to it >.<>

I got a new computer too. Finnaly I don't have to suffer with a Windows 95. I needed it so I could download videos for my iPod...I wuv it! ^.^ bad news is I downloaded a ton of songs from iTunes that I have to pay money to re-download. >.<>

I can't wait 'till Clerks 2 comes out! I loved the first one! MWA... I missed this blog.....*hugs blog and all of its followers* my biggest internet dream is for this blog to be FAMOUS***** whee! Wouldn't that be fun? I think so... O.~
I feel so young. I dyed my hair dark red, I've never dyed my hair before so it kinda surprized me, but I like the outcome!


Enough Foofl for today!

Sincerly,
Socrates

One Last Chance

I'm giving blogger one last chance to make up for what it did to my internet reputation. Everytime I write a new post it gets destroyed. LISTEN TO ME BLOGGER, THIS IS YOU FINAL CHANCE!
Well in movie news I saw a Clockwork Orange over the vacation, it was really good. Really gruesome and powerful but good. I' m listening to the theme now. ^ ^
They're acctually talking about blogs on the news now and I feel special ^ ^ I dont feel like writing
but here's a short glossary of all the words in the NADSAT launguage used in a clockwork orange. the words with the * are the words that seem to have no russian orgin.


* appy polly loggy - apology baboochka - old woman baddiwad - bad banda - band bezoomny - mad biblio - library bitva - battle Bog - God bolnoy - sick bolshy - big, great brat, bratty - brother bratchny - bastard britva - razor brooko - belly brosay - to throw bugatty - rich cal - feces * cancer - cigarette cantora - office carman - pocket chai - tea * charles, charlie - chaplain chasha - cup chasso - guard cheena - woman cheest - to wash chelloveck - person, man, follow chepooka - nonsense choodessny - wonderful * chumble - to mumble clop - beak collocoll - bell * crack - to break up or "bust" * crark - to yowl? crast - to rob or steal; robbery creech - to shout or scream * cutter - money dama - lady ded - old man deng - money devotchka - girl dobby - good * dook - trace, ghost domy - house dorogoy - dear, valuable dratsing - fighting * drencrom - drug droog - friend (ie: my droogies) * dung - to defecate dva - two eegra - game eemya - name * eggiweg - egg * filly - to play or fool with * firegold - drink * fist - to punch * flip - wild? forella - "trout" gazetta - newspaper glazz - eye gloopy - stupid * golly - unit of money goloss - voice goober - lip gooly - to walk gorlo - throat govorett - to speak or talk grahzny - dirty grazzy - soiled gromky - loud groody - breast gruppa - group * guff - guffaw gulliver - head * gulliwuts - guts * hen-korm - chickenfeed * horn - to cry out horrorshow - good, well * in-out in-out - copulation interessovat - to interest itty - to go * jammiwam - jam jeezny - life kartoffel - potato keeshkas - guts kleb - bread kootch - key knopka - button kopat - to "dig" koshka - cat kot - tomcat krovvy - blood kupet - to buy lapa - paw lewdies - people * lighter - crone? litso - face tomtick - piece, bit loveted - caught lubbilubbing - making love * luscious glory - hair malchick - boy malenky - little, tiny malso - butter merzky - filthy messel - thought, fancy mesto - place millicent - policeman minoota - minute molodoy - young moloko - milk moodge - man morder - snout * mounch - snack mozg - brain nachinat - to begin nadmenny - arrogant nadsat - teenage nagoy - naked * nazz - fool neezhnies - underpants nochy - night noga - foot, leg nozh - knife nuking - smelling oddy knocky - lonesome odin - one okno - window oobivat - to kill ookadeet - to leave ooko - ear oomny - brainy oozhassny - terrible oozy - chain osoosh - to wipe otchkies - eyeglasses * pan-handle - erection * pee and em - parents peet - to drink pischcha - food platch - to cry platties - clothes pletcho - shoulder plenny - prisoner plesk - splash * plosh - to splash plott - body podooshka - pillow pol - sex polezny - useful * polyclef - skeleton key pony - to understand poogly - frightened pooshka - "cannon" prestoopnik - criminal privodeet - to lead somewhere * pretty polly - money prod - to produce ptitsa - "chick" pyahnitsa - drunk rabbit - work, job radosty - joy raskazz - story rassoodock - mind raz - time razdraz - upset razrez - to rip, ripping rock, rooker - hand, arm rot - mouth rozz - policeman sabog - shoe sakar - sugar sammy - generous * sarky - sarcastic scotenna - "cow" shaika - gang * sharp - female sharries - buttocks shest - barrier * shilarny - concern * shive - slice shiyah - neck shlem - helmet * shlaga - club shlapa - hat shoom - noise shoot - fool * sinny - cinema shazat - to say * skolliwoll - school skorry - quick, quickly * shriking - scratching shvat - to grab sladky - sweet sloochat - to happen sloosh, slosshy - to hear, to listen slovo - word smech - laugh smot - to look sneety - dream * snoutie - tobacco? * snuff it - to die sobirat - to pick up * sod - to fornicate, fornicator soomaka - "bag" soviet - advice, order spat - to sleep spatchka - sleep * splodge, splosh - splash * spoogy - terrified * Staja - State Jail starry - ancient strack - horror * synthemesc - drug tally - waist * tashtook - handkerchief * tass - cup tolchock - to hit or push;blow, beating toofles - slippers tree - three vareet - to "cook up" * vaysay - washroom veck - (see chelloveck) * vellocet - drug veshch - thing viddy - to see or look voloss - hair von - smell vred - to harm or damage yahma - hole * yahoodies - Jews yabzick - tongue * yarbles - testicles yeckate - to drive * warble - song zammechat - remarkable zasnoot - sleep zhenna - wife zoobies - teeth zvonock - bellpull zvook - sound

Gomenasai

I have to apologize to my readers first and formost because I haven't been posting lately. >.<>

How Do You Spell "Obbsession"??

Well, Valintine's day is on the hunt and you can see it posted over every water fountain and cafeteria wall at my school. It seems as id this holiday has torn the minds out of every student council member and thrown them on a frenzy setting up people for dates and cutting pink paper hearts to hang over the cafeteria. Cupid has really done his part this year. At my school they have this "carnation celebration" where they have boys buy carnations for girls they like and the student council members give them out at lunch-time, which is sooo unromantic. They should leave a small handfull of rose petals on the person's desk in every class and at the end of the day meet them at their locker with a bunch of blood red roses and a kiss sweeter than any chocolates.......
*sigh* as you can probably see I'm quite the hopeless romantic. Saint Valentine's day is where the "hopeless" part comes in though. But this school is way worse. I mean, CARNATIONS??? They are the most hideous in all the floral category. So.....overused. You see them at weddings, funerals, dates, proms...ugh. The rose is the true ruler. I don't mean to sound cliche but I do like rosesz, mostly white or black ones. Or blood red, doesn't really matter to me. They have this whole "flower language" which confuses me and it's like: "Okay, well this guy just gave me a yellow carnation. He likes me." "No, yellow carnations mean 'friendship' duh" "Wait, I thought they meant he rejected you" It's all just so confusing.
I don't care, I just hope I don't get a yellow rose or I'll freak out because I really don't know what they mean, it's subjective I guess.
This whole world/art really revolves around love. Movies, paintings, music (have you ever noticed that almost ALL songs have something to love) etc. Which makes a hopeless romantic like me a perfect candidate to go into an art career. ^ ^
There's a valintine's day dance friday, which happens to be the same time as my mother's birthday. She had a date that night and I was supposed to babysit but I told her there was a dance and she changed it to saturday. I think I owe it to her to try to have a good time whether I get a date or not. Besides, there's good music and people. I may get slightly hyper, but that's ok. No matter how many rejections I get or lonely years pass by me I'm never giving up hope! ^ ^ there's someone out there for everyone, isn't there? And if there isn't someone for me I can still be happy. I'm going to japan anyways, who needs lovers when you can have POCKY!!! Bite that cupid!
Sincerly Single,
SOCRATES VOLKOVA~

Nariko Is Here!!!!!!!! ^ ^

*EXTREAME HAPPINESS FROM SOCRATES* agggghhhhh!!! ^ ^ In case you haven't heard my besssstttttt friend Nariko has madeth a BLOG!!!!! YAYY!!! I am soooooo happy, I love Nariko!! She sooooo rules! Nariko's blog is really awesome! She has a slog too called, The Hurricane's Art. Nari-chan is really great with names, he blog is named Nariko's Electricity, nariko is japanese for thunder so it makes it sound so cool. I've been begging her to help me re-model my blog (yes, I'm re-modeling) and pick out a name for it but she says i'm creative enough to do it myself.....*sigh*
oh well, i'll come up with something ^ ^ Nariko and I have been best friends since the seventh grade, yes I know thats not a long time to some people but that's the longest time i've ever had a friend.. :( it's true. I usually move or they get bored of me. *sadness*

oh well Y'know how like stupid ditzy gals have those friends they have for a week and their, like, totally best friends *stupid giggle* but then one backstabs another and they break up and the next week get back togather again? Nari-chan are so opposite. She understands me and knows that even though I may be insane and strange on the outside I'm really happy and romantic (more like a hopeless romantic -.-') on the inside!
She knows me better than anybody else! We get along so well, our teachers in the seventh grade used to say we were inseperable, which was true. In every class we would pass notes and I don't think there was a day when we were apart, the i moved and now she calls me everyday and we talk for hours, still inseperable!! Even the forces of nature can't keep us apart lol ^ ^ is there anything that anyone could want more than a lifetime best friend?I couldn't want more ^ ^ ((except for love *hopeless romantic sigh*))

Our plan is to go through highschool taking accelerated writing courses and art ((me mostly art, I'm going to be drawing the manga)) and then once we get into college Im going to this art school in massachusetts called.....uh....I can't really remember it right now but I know it starts with a "M". After college we'll take all the money we made during college and summer jobs and other jobs and stuff and move to japan. We'll live in a small apartment untill our books make it big and we'll be famous. LOL, I know it may be far-fetched but with my soon to be art skills and Nari-chans flawless and exciting writing (me too of course, I wrote half of it, we wrote the role play togather ^ ^ ) we are destined to make it big. ^ ^ it makes me all happy thinking about it. Nariko knows a lot of japanese, I know some. I'll have to take a lot of courses on it in college, got to be fluent to be in with the locals *wink*

Did I mention Nariko can sing? She can REALLY sing. I listen to her sing malice mizer and other japanese artists and I don't think I can pronounce half the words she's throwing out there at perfect timing to the music. The only songs I can really sing to are utada and t.A.T.u. I love singing along with t.A.T.u , but Nariko is the only one of my friends who will ever hear me sing. NO ONE ELSE! >:(
Visit Nari-chan's site!!! www.air-clouded-blood.blogspot.com

~ Socrates Volkova

The Theory of January

Ah......January. Such a blissfull month for people with real lives. A fresh new beggining and new years parties and everyday is just another day twords valentine's day where they can look forward to the perfect date with their cuddle buddy.
New Year's eve was a total blow because I stayed up watching movies and missed the ball drop and I woke up in the morning all grumpy and the house was a mess from "partying" I would like to call it partying but I've never actually been to a party so I guess it was just from my siblings being excited. January is also the beginning of slud season in maine where the slush and mud combine on the sides of the road and make an industrial eyesore reminding us that the whole world will look like slud season in a couple years. It is the time after christmas and the relatives pack up and head back home and you have a whole 'nuther year 'till the next christmas season. And don't even get me started on valentines day, that comes in another post >.<. ((V.Day is my absolute loveit/hateit holday, if I don't have a bf by that time I hate it, if I have one I love it.....for the past 13 years i've hated it -.-')) But deep down I do like valintine's day, not many people would think though. I can be a romantic person at times, really! I tend to be either a gothic romantic or a victorian romantic person. Not a cupid romantic. The whole rose and chocolate thing is nice but somewhat boring. I do like white roses though, remind me of the moon ^.^.
On the other hand, I hate assorted chocolates. Usually they turn out to be cherry syrpy chocolates >.<>.<') or a kurama plushie, kurama is a fox demon who has a rose whip so he's suitable for valentine's day. "Rose whip, thorn wheel, HA!" sorry.....random outburst. And posters!!! Who doesn't love posters??? ^ ^
oh well, I'll end this post with another picture of mana, I was hoping to find one of him in red of pink for valentine's day, but I forgot he doesn't wear such hidious colours. I don't blame him.

Cross-Dressing Composers and Apologies

Composer reports are begining to be asigned. Not really asigned, chosen. Everyone chooses the same old dead composers, but there are so many more contemporary composers that are interesting to me. Like Danny Elfman (songs for Nightmare before Christmas) But I choose Mana from Malice Mizer. ^ ^ Mana!!! ManamanamanamanaMANA!!! I loooovvvvveeeee mana. He's my favorite out of the bend members. But I had to go to hell and back to get him as my composer, and then I had to explain to the music teacher what a "visual band" was. And she still doesn't get it >.<>.<>.<>
But currently I'm listening to Utada, a very mellow english version of utada, so I'm nice and calm. ^ ^ Easy Breezy ((<---haha pun, name of song I'm listening to ^^)) See people? You can come out of hiding! I'm fine now ^_^ *yawn* but ish very tired
TOMMARROW IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!! see I can type something energetic although I am muy, muy energetic-free. I don't want to say tired because Today is the night where all the tv shows of the new season premire and I am sooooo watching them ^ ^ Four Kings here I come!!!


Hope you have a good weekend and if you're new to my blog check out my other posts, hard to believe but they REALLY are just as good as this one!! Seriously ^ ^

~Socrates Volkova
ps: today my text matches the tints in mana's hair ^_^ <3

Some Guys Just Can't Hold Their Arsenic

Lately I've been downloading songs like crazy. I found all my cds and it took me half a day to get them all on my iPod. I got this thing called LimeWire and it's kind of like Nabster before it whent commercial. You can download an unlimited amount of songs for nothing. ^ ^ Basically All I've been downloading on it is Weird Al, but I did get the Chicago soundtrack! I love the Cell Block Tango, I'm listening to it right now as I type this.
What really annoys me is that the people who read my blog only scroll down to the end of the first post, thinking the one underneath it is old. 'Socrates' thoughts on life and death' was a good and well thought out post and it makes me sad that no one read or left a comment on it :(
On the other hand I missed the ball dropping last night, instead I watched Nausicaa and the Valley of the Wind. It was really good, but unfortunetly it held the some old message of all Hayao Miyazaki's other films. Protect the enviornment and peace. Not that that's bad, it just gets a little boring after a while. Another thing is Miyazaki's characters have all the same face. Even the guys have the same faces as girls, just bushier eyebrows.
I have a 'slog' now. That's an internet slang I made up for a song blog. It's just a place where I post song lyrics to my favorite songs because it would be boring if I did it here. the address is: www.greeneyesofthedeadgirl.blogspot.com

Check it out, I like it a lot. ^ ^ It doesn't have may posts yet, but I'm working on it. ^ ^

Oh dear

Yes, oh dear is right.

My mother used to work at a sushi place downtown,she worked there for a really long time so she knows everyone there really well. Well, I went there a lot too and made friends with the guy who runs the sushi bar, he's really funny and my best friend lacey likes him too. With his accent he is easilly my favorite person there, his name is Ting. Ok, for the next part you need to know that I do not "like" him, he is old. I like him in the same way that I like old turtle men, y'know he's cute in a funny way. Oh god, I love Ting ^ ^ Lacey and I were joking around on the phone and she said I should propose to Ting. She acted me proposing and I did Ting and it was all funny as hell with his cute Korean accent and all. ((yes, it's a japanese resturant but I think he's from korea)) So we were joking around and all and I said I would propose next time I went to Ichiban. That time hasn't come yet, though.
The oh dear part comes after I find out that I was talking about all this and this kid was standing next to me. This kid's name was Raymond, Ting's son. So, after I found this out I quietly slipped away to find a place to hang myself, no, just kidding. But that'swhat it felt like. Looks like I'm not gonna propose to ting anymore -.-'
I can't wait till I'm old enough to work at Ichiban, that place rules. Maybe I get brush up on my japanese before I go to japan.

LONG LIVE GACKT CAMUI!!!!!!!!! ((the pic)) ahhhh.....he's so hot.......Look, my text matches his eyes!! ^^

Socrates's thoughts on life and death

There are many obscure ways a person could die.

They could be crushed by an elevator, suffocated by a cat, burnt by a flaming cross, have their voicebox ripped out of their throat with pliars, skin shaved off with sandpaper to the bone, dismembered slowly, drowned on the wheel, locked in a box in the ground, eaten alive, eyes eaten out and infected after, their body hollowed out and filled with candels so it makes a human jack-o-lantern....well you get the point. The worst death for me would have to be the buried alive one. That scares me to death, just to have to watch yourself slowly loose consiousness and no one knows except your killer.
It is very improtant to have your death all figured out before you die. You wouldn't want to die before you pick out your outfit and have your desendants pick out one that's really ugly, wouldn't you? I would like to buried in a 100 year old victorian dress so if historians some day dug me up they would be like:
" She's from the victorian era, look at the dress."
"No, her body's not that old"
"Why is she in that dress then?"
"the dress is that old"
And my life would be a mystery. ha ha ha. No, I wouldn't want to be buried at all. Lieing there ((yes, lieing is correct. Check with my english teacher)) for centuries rotting away. I would much rather be burnt. Not cremated, but burnt out in the open so the smoke could go up in the air and toxicate our atmosphere and eat away the ozone.
I doubt I'd go to heaven. I wouldn't want to, boring. I wouldn't fit in there, all saintly and crap. And there's also the question of sex in heaven. Saints, nuns, popes, preists are supposed to be virgins, so if that's one of the sacrifices they make to ensure they're entrance into heaven, I doubt there'd be sex in heaven. Also sex is just something that organisums do to reproduce. Well, if they're dead the don't really need to reproduce so it's kind of worthless. So if there is no sex in heaven then that means there musn't be any in hell, because hell is just supposed to be a torture pit where you are sentenced to pay for your sins in pain and agony in Lucifer's grip. Perverts whom believe that there is sex in hell would much rather spent their days in torture with sex than sit around heaven without it.
I doubt I'd go to hell too. Lucifer would probably get annoyed with me and kick me out, then I'd be a earth bound spirit. Being a ghost wouldn't be that bad, as long as I had my iPod. I could terrorize people and drive them insane! I'd haunt houses and be featured in documentaries. No one could stop me ha ha! I'd run around creating chaos and havoc. Death rules. ^ ^
Unfortunetly, if the buddist's are correct ((which they are in everything)) and reincarnation is real then I am screwed. *is reincarnated into a fish* NOOOOOOO!! I HATE FISH!!! EWWWW!!! that would suck so bad. >.< please.....no reincarnation. I wish life and death were as simple as it was in the Corpse Bride. You die and you go to a bar. Who wouldn't want that?
I'd still rather be a ghost.
What about you?


SIN-cerly Socrates

What's this??

Christmas is a time for families to unite into one big ball of confusion and Kitchen traffic jams. My grandparents arrived for the holidays shortly after I came home from school with my great grandmother. This is the first time they've been at our house for christmas since........since we lived the first year in Ellsworth I think. 6th grade maybe. A long time, even so. That was the year my grandmother got her plasma tv. I like my grandparents a lot. They were teachers back in the day and they seemed to be very different teachers. My grandmother is loud and is not afraid to speak her mind, even if it means strangeling the girl at the counter who won't give her omney back on a cold cup of coffee. A very taurusey woman indeed. Even at this very moment she is behind me ranting about the lady at the pharmacy who wouldn't fill her perscription. My grandfather was a calculus teacher so he is very useful if my brain is moosh over a very difficult math assignment and he doesn't show very much emotion. Yeah, he'll tease you and stuff and grin about that but you couldn't get him to cry at a sob movie if you stuck a gun to his head. I act the same way......sometimes. Sometimes I show absolutely no emotion at movies, but most of the times I get....*cough* a little emotional. I don't cry though. Not like those prissy gals who sob over poor Bambi's mom and cling to their boyfriends. This little thing is called, ACTING. They may refuse to get on stage but when a sad part in a movie comes up, they become Best Actress of the Year to get their boyfriend's attention. Well at least those girls can cry at a disney movie, there are some who get all watery eyed at nature films. yes, you heard me.NATURE FILMS. An owl swoops down upon a mouse and ripps it apart and they cry on about how cruel it is. My dears, this is called SURVIVAL. Obviosly, they don't know the meaning of that word because they are so constantly depending on their man-slaves for all their whims and needs. It is a sad but true fact. Heck, I respect pole dancers more than I respect those kind of woman. At least they work for their money! I got a kitty!!!! Tis named Cheshire and he's soooooo cute!! He is gray with black stripes and white around his eyes and paws! I got him for chrismas early and I haven't stopped playing with him since I saw him in the box, he's only 8 weeks old. He has that poofy kitten fur and big golden anime neko eyes!! He ish so playful too, and he wuvs me ^ ^ of course he does, who would not love me? Lol! Okay, your dear Socrates has to scuddle to play with her new neko, so post a comment or be forced to drink helmlock *wink*
~Socrates Volkova

The explanatory cause

Most people don't understand what bubblegum goths really are. Whenever I mention them, tey hear the word 'goth' and automatically run for the hills. "goths are EVIL ahhhhhhhh!" "DEMONS!! DEMONS!!!" they think goths are satanic. I like goths, some consider me one. Alas, I am merely me, not really a goth. I find it too exspensive, personally. Have you seen the clothes in hot topic?!? You need to be like freakin' rich to have a wardrobe full of that, no matter how cool it may look. I usually make my own t-shirts if I want one that looks cool. Ok, back to where I was, Bubblegum goths are mostly the oppisite. I first found out about them from my crappy game, The Urbz, where in one of the districts ((neon east)) it was filled to the brim with these kind of people. I have some pics. UNfortunetly for me, none of the bubblegum goths in this godforsaken internet world can take the time to snap a pic of themselves and put it on google so I have to settle for game snapshots of the people of neon east. Lately I have been playing a lot of harvest moon. It is a farming game where you basically have to live out your life in a little valley town and I'm on the most important chapter, the beginning In this chapter, the main thing is to get one of the three potential bachelors to marry you. I have rock already to four hearts((the highest you can go)) and gustafa up to three. Rock is a blonde headed party boy, but he's cute and funny. His parents own the inn. Gustafa is the hard to get hippie who plays his guitar a lot and lives in a yurt. In my old game I married Marlin, my favorite. He ran a farm next to yours, and he was the cutest. He was the 'bad boy' out of 'em all, so I easilly got bored of him. They say nice guys finish last, but I get bored of the bad boys all too easilly. I think I'm going to propose to gustafa and play for a little bit, and not save, then propose to rock, play for a bit and see which one I like more. yea, I'll do that. And whichever one I choose, I'll do the other in another game. I have two harvest moon games. One with you as a boy character, and one as you with a girl character. As you could have probably guessed, I was talking aout the girl version above. The guy laying down in the pick up there is Rock, and the tiny pic is of gustafa.

What I used to be

It's strange how quickly things can change.
How suddenly, how sincerely. It feels like just yesterday I was that little girl. When I was little, I had curly blond hair in locks and vividly blue eyes. Seriously, they weren't sky blue, they were like deep sea blue. I liked bears and flowers, I used to pretend when my father was gone he would come to me like mufasa did to simba and tell me stuff like that. I'd recite lines from the lion king and pretend that I was a princess. I would talk to my sea monkeys and run with my dog. Once I kept jumping off a plastic picnic table to see if I could fly. I believed in fairy tales and coconut milk. I loved fables and I supported everyone in my family. I used to pretend I was Robin Hood's daughter and dress up and take a nerf archery set and go out and explore. When I swam at my grandparent's camp I would pretend I was a mermaid, lost from my homeseas. I loved lions and kitties and the color blue. I looked up tp my elders and loved to talk with old men (because they reminded me of turtels, I liked turtels). I spent hours inside my dog's doghouse with her when it was cold and believed the stories and lies my father wrought. I played the zilaphone and jumped rope by myself when I was lonely and played with my brother and sister when I wasn't. I believed with all my heart that santa clause would make me his head elf someday and would whisk me away to take care of the reindeer. I wanted to be a reindeer too. I have changed much...yes very much. It's like I'm a whole different person, really. I have darker hair and green eyes. I don't believe in fairy tales and I don't believe in santa. I know I can't be robin hood's daughter and I am certinly not a mermaid. I don't believe my father's bullcrap and I don't think I can fly. But I still do talk to inanimate objects and animals, and I like cats. But I don't really look up to elders anymore, I rather dibate intensly against them((rebel)). I have stronger views and I certinly am not HALF as cute as I was then. I looked sooooooo adorable. Really, I was. So young and innocent with anime-like eyes. I wish I was still that cute. Now I'm just an ugly teenager without a life. *sigh* but thats alright. Life's like that I suppose. I also had A LOT of friends when I was little. Now.......not so much. But the ones I do have are worth it in abundance. ^ ^ Oh YEAH! back then in like 1st through 6th grade I was popular too. I definately lost all of that. Not so social as I was back then, I guess. But, One fact still remains the same. I still love mushrooms and turtles. ^ ^ and funny old men who remind me of turtles. SOCRATES SAYS: mushrooms rule.

~Sincerly Socrates

My dream

I really have to stop eating chocolate before I go to bed, I had the strangest dream last night.
I was in a school. I was in the part of my school where it is just a square of land in the middle, where no one ever goes. I was looking around, confused. Some guy came up to me and started yelling at me, I ran to get away from him. I climbed to the top of the school and the roof and the school turned into the ellsworth public library, I was still on top of it, I looked around for the guy an he was behind me. At this point I realized that the guy was my vice principle ferguson, he was still yelling at me. I looked at the river flowing beneath the library and I jumped off the roof and into the muddy waters. I woke up JUST before I hit the water. I went downstairs to get a drink of water, and came back upstairs and fell asleep. Again the dream continued. I was in the waters, tugging the school behind me on a rope, the V.P. was swimming behind me. I screamed and swam. I couldn't hold the school much longer so I gave it to my dog colby to tug and swam twords an unknown shore. I watched my dog drown with the school, his body sinking into the waters. A boy was with me too, but I don't remember who he was exactly. He was my age, though. I climbed onto the shore and there was a house there, it was a video/book store. everything was dark and brown as the waters. I opened the door and something stranged sniffed me. I backed up a little bit and colby came out. But his jaw was wide, bloody and gaping, on the other side of his face like a piccasso painting. I ran past colby and into the house, colby followed me. I looked around the store. There were many dark isles of movies and books. Everything was crooked and mishapen like my dog. I picked up a book which read something about dragons in white letters. There door opened behind the counter and my mother came out, she said this was our new home. I looked at colby, he wagged his tail. I asked mom what happened to colby and she smiled and said that she kicked his face the wrong way around, and told me to give him these pills to make it right again. I took the pills instead. I picked up the phone in the room and called my best friend and cried and told her about colby. She acted indifferent and just said to give him the pills, give him the pills, give him the pills. I ran into the next room. It was colorful and bright, there were huge billboards and the walls were close but twisting and tall like a maze. My aunt came out, and I knew this was her house. There were signs of wealth everywhere. People with cameras stood around and in the kitchen kelly ripa was making a cooking show and showing the viewers how to make iced lattes out of Quarks, yes, the subatomic particles. She kept adding more alcohal and more and more. Untill it overflowed with thin brown liquid. She laughed and held the over-spilling cup to the screen and drank it, letting the grotesque liquid flow over her silk dress and floor. I went into another part of the house. I remember seeing green walls and my cousins coming in through the front door with huge gifts. I went into my aunt's room. She was getting dressed into a gold silk gown. I couldn't see her face. I just sat there on the bed.
Well, there's one of my dreams. I also had one with giant cheeze-it people and one that my mother got killed by m&m assasins. I've had crazier dreams than that. *sigh* I don't want to go back to school tomarrow.

~Socrates Volkova