Hello everyone.
I'm sorta hurting right now....idk. I've been having a lot of strange thoughts and dreams. Stuff like this happened once before but my mind was in such a definate place that it didn't effect me as much as it does now. I feel lonely and no one can understand. Everyone that tries to help me gets pushed away. I don't want to be helped. I don't want you to care about the reason why I'm like this. I just want to live without restraints. I don't think that any kind of love can fill the emptiness in my soul. I am not a good person, friend, or lover. I'm a hopeless romantic with conciously outrageous exspectations for everyone. I hate to hurt people that are my friends. I'm so moody and empty nowadays that I try to avoid them in hopes that I don't hurt them. I love my friends so dearly and I think they deserve more than me. There's only one person that I can be with and not worry about hurting. I'm so happy to be around them that the emptiness in me is forgotten and I can live. I feel the same way about all my friends but I often worry how I'm acting and put on a faulse front when I'm around my other friends. I'm so tired from being happy that Dan gets all the moody and depressed side of me. When Nariko comes over thursday I'm going to plan a big get togather with ALL my friends and then, maybe, my emptiness will go away. Lately, this gapeing hole in my heart has been growing and engulfing all feelings of happiness or hope. I can only hope that it will disinagrate before I become a waxy shell of no emotion.
Sincerly,
Socrates
