Loves Me.....Loves Me Not.

Casting Shadows.

Thats basically what I've been doing for the past 2 years.


you can tell from the state of my room, that they let me out too soon.


missed me missed me
now you've gotta kiss me

Good News: I have really AMAZING friends *glomps them* they're wonderful, i'm gonna cry. I'm so lucky to have all of you. ((I feel like i'm giving an oscar acceptance speech. "And the award for most boring life in the world goes to: SOCRATES VOLKOVA!!)) Not to mention that smexy boyfriend of mine ^ ^

Bad News: Forgetting about all the stuff happening at home, things are going really hard with Dan and I. he is accusing me of being in love with his best friend and cheating on him and all that shit. I don't need his paranoria right now. I'm already stressed, crushed, and dead inside . Then when I get to school, he does things like when i'm depressed he'll try to cheer me up (it never works, i'm an idiot and it would take a wrecking ball to tear down the wall that builds between me and people when i'm depressed.) since his cheerfullness just makes me sad because i hate myself for letting him down i get ecen more depressed. I usually do 2 things when we're at this point. I either put on my usual mask of happiness and pretend to be cheered up (which just makes dan mad), or i just get angry and depressed even more. Either way, on the third stage Dan always does the same thing. He takes all my deppression, multiplies it a thousand times and throws it right back at me. This doesn't help cause it just makes both of us depressed. Its not his fault, its mine because I'm helpless when i'm depressed. there are only like , three people that can help me. I'd never ask them to, though.
BUT no one wants to hear about bad news ^_^ Ignore all that, dears!!

My school work is failing and my art is in a permanent stage of isolation.

Here is what i'm thinking right now:

half jack

half underwater
i'm half my mother's daughter
a fraction's left up to dispute
the whole collection
half off the price they're asking
in the halfway house of ill repute

half accidental
half pain full instrumental
i have a lot to think about
you think they're joking?
you have to go provoke him...
i guess it's high time you found out

it's half biology and half corrective surgery gone wrong
you'll notice something funny if you hang around here for too
long ago in some black hole before they had these pills to take it back
i'm half jill
and half jack

two halves are equal
a cross between two evils
it's not an enviable lot
but if you listen
you'll learn to hear the difference
between the halfs and the half nots

and when i let him in i feel my stitches getting sicker
i try to wash him out but like she said:the blood is thicker
i see my mother in my face
but only when i travel
i run as fast as i can run
but
jack comes tumbling after....

and when i'm brave enough and find a clever way to kick him out
and i'm so high not even you and all your love could bring me down
on 83rd he never found the magic words to change this fact:
i'm half jill
and half jack

i'm halfway home now
half hoping
for a showdown
cause i'm not big enough to house this crowd
it might destroy me
but i'd sacrifice my body
if it meant i'd get the jack part OUT

see

jack

run.....

copyright 2002 amanda palmer